In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
