The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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