If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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