He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
