he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
