K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
