I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
