you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
