this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
