I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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