Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
