I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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