I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
