I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
