There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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