Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
