Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
