You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
