Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
