I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
