Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize