I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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