This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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