Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize