my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
