So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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