there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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