His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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