I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
