so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
