I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
