Three words: puerto rican gang bang
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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