Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
