are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
