is your mom at the bar?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
