It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
