the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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