she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
