he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
