I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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