matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
