I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
