I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
