it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
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