Who wears a wallet chain?!
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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