those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
