I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You are a genius and a whore.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
