Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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