I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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