Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
