hell yes lets make some ravioli
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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