Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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