Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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