Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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