so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
