I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
