Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
