the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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