We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
