I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
