If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
only you would photoshop your dick
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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