So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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