The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
