I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
