She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize