i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
