I hate all girls vehemently.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
